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| Enjoy these dinosaur themed photos. I can't remember why I allowed my hair to be french braided like this or why it screamed Velociraptor. But it did so we really got into character. |
Last week’s pastimes of watching big events on television and on the big screen nearly killed me. Between the CMTs and the premiere of Jurassic World, my heart nearly stopped multiple times— from both sexiness and suspense.
I’ll begin with a few thoughts from the CMTs.
Sam Hunt goes up to accept an award. He's wearing white on white. I’m questioning this outfit but also extremely satisfied because there is no way any girlfriend would let him out of the house with that fit. He’s definitely single. I’m taking that as a win.
Carrie underwood looks skinner than she did pre baby. Thats cool. One of my thighs is the size of both her legs and then some. Fun.
Jake Owen got a haircut. AND IT IS DOING WONDERS FOR HIM. Gosh his little face lights up so beautifully when he smiles. Why hasn’t crest picked him up for endorsements???
The usual hotties: Luke Bryan, Eric Church. (I think Luke cries after sex though, I’m getting those vibes from him).
I’m not sure if it is the constant array of beautiful southern men, but I am feeling Zac Brown. He looks sexy and I’m not afraid to say it. Even with his toned down duck dynasty look — i’m in to it.
Insert Little Caesar’s promotion as a sponsor of the awards show. This is how I know country music fans are my people. I would love to see Sam nibbling on a hot and ready.
Next… thoughts on Jurassic World.
My inner child was dying to see this film because…NOSTALGIA. Although I really didn’t think I would be there opening night. Spoiler alert: I was! My best friend suggested we go and how could I turn it down?! I had to see if it did the original film justice! Side note: my want to see JW makes me really question why I’m single?! If that doesn’t scream “cool girl” then idk what does.
Chris Pratt. Sexy, funny, and now actionyyy?? He made my heart palpitate a few times during the film. Especially when he kissed the main female character at a non cliche moment. HELL YAS. I gasped because it was hot, but mostly because I wasn’t expecting it.
The main female character is wearing heels. Running from DINOS the whole film, in stilettos. I’m not sure if I want to praise her or be a H8ER. She's running through grass a lot and every one knows heels SINK IN THAT SHIT. By the end, she's still in pumps and all I could think is CAN SOME ONE GET THIS BITCH SOME TENNIES?!
I laugh at really inopportune moments. This happened a few times. Things that aren’t necessarily meant to be funny — I find hilarious, but there were also some legit well written comedic references. Chris Pratt naturally had to keep it light a couple times which only made me love him more. Jimmy Fallon’s cameo. Genius! The guy who runs away from a pterodactyl attack trying not to spill his double fisting margaritas. This guy probably made it out alive because…PRIORITIES. Another side note: I read that this was actually Jimmy Buffett.
Touché JW.
The kids in the film were ight. I didn’t dislike them. But they didn’t have anything on the girl from the original film who had to hide in the kitchen from DAT SCARY AZZ RAPTOR.
Speaking of, the Raptors in this film were kinda like an entourage. (If they had been named Vince, Turtle, Drama, and E — I would have dropped the mic for the movie.)
They rolled in a pack. And run faster when they are hungry — weird me too. Dangle a spicy chicken sandwich, from Chickfila, in front of me and I could probably outrun a cheetah.
There was also some big ass water dino in a tank. Again, I’m like people — have you not watched Blackfish?! Sea World will probably come out with some ad in the near future like JURASSIC PARK DOES IT TOO. Just know, big mean water dino gets the last laugh.
Overall the film gives you exactly what you want. You know what you’re walking in to. Some Dinosaurs, some laughs, some adventure, quite a few people dying in a really horrific way, and some sexual tension between yourself and Chris Pratt.
To my lovers and my haters:
Laters,
K
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